29

This is at least the fourth time that I attempt to write a blog post about my “recent” birthday and what it meant to me. At first, I was determined to make it something witty and lighthearted. But every time I sat in front of my laptop my mood was completely different, and hence so were the words that emanated from my typing fingers. This fact itself is a pretty accurate reflection of how this past year has been: full of change, uncertain, painful but enlightening, multifaceted. And I think that is fair and honest enough.

I guess in a more slow-burning way my life has chronically been this way for the longest time anyway. Ever since I moved out when I was 17, I've been sure about the few non-negotiable things that I want and need in my life, as well as who I want and need to be for others. But the “when” and “where” have always been two gigantic question marks casting a shadow over everything that I have, with the best of intentions and goodwill, done so far. At times exciting, at times discouraging, Home has been a very fluid concept, increasingly so, as I strive to create one of my own – to find my own place in the world.

This past year, in particular, has been a determining and decisive one. I've made some choices and taken certain chances that I just know will just inevitably shape the rest of my life in a more drastic, tangible way than others –a year where I've experienced things that are and will transform ME in notorious, substantial ways. Overall, the average way I feel about all these upcoming changes is excited and hopeful. But there's also a degree of real fear there that I need to confront as well.

I don't know for sure everything that is coming hand in hand with this rough picture that I've painted in my head at deciding to leave the life I've known for the past 11 years in order to arm myself with the best tools possible to reach that place that I described above, but I do know what I am giving up in order get there. Certainty, familiarity, comfort.

I do not know who I will become in the end, but I know which parts of me I am shedding already, and I can see that every day now more than ever before. Thus, at this point, all I can do is have faith and trust: trust in that not only do I know what I want, what is good and right for me, but in that the decisions I am making are the ones that will lead me there. Trust and faith in that my integrity and values will be strong enough to push me just to the right space, without actually tipping me over an edge. Trust in that whatever gut feeling I had when I did the things I did, said the things I said and took the turns I took was, in fact, one of those rare flashes of complete mental clarity that leads to the right choice in the toughest of circumstances.

If only I didn't like a good adventure and challenge so damn much it would be easier for me to discern… Only this time somehow, I just know. Oh man, and with this thirst and curiosity and passion, how ready I am to face just about anything.

Fantasy Basel

My first Comic Con ever. My 14-year-old self would have lost her mind. She would also have spent ten times more money. Thank God I waited fifteen years to set foot on one of these. As soon as I did, though, looking around the self-consciousness of wearing Pikachu ears next to my Ash Ketchum cap wearing friend faded away instantly. Jeez. People REALLY do get into these things.

First and foremost, loved the instant perk of finding out what that imposing convention center of Basel actually looks like from the inside (largest one in Switzerland!). And I was surprised to be greeted by Doctors Without Borders right on the spot (“Hey, we both are doctors too!” Instant connection), as well as the Swiss Army (unthinkable in Germany).
But just 50 meters away or so… the first glimpse of actual artwork. And what a glimpse that was! I guess I did freak out a little after all, but I'd never seen graffiti artists of such caliber perform life, on half-finished murals that already looked pretty fantastic to begin with.

It didn't end there. Lots of highly skilled digital artist were awaiting us just one floor above. They were taking commissions on the spot, drawing people manga-stile, or just casually selling their artwork as prints, stickers, mugs… and even rugs. Talking to some of these people constituted another big highlight of this whole experience – a tattoo artist from Sweden, a Greek guy whose artwork brough all kinds of beautiful memories of this summer in Greece, two Swiss girls selling cute and hilarious designs as postcards and bookmarks who I heard the term Twint from for the first time in my life. I better get used to it!

I felt a sense of familiarity at the sight of some of these professionals using their iPads and Procreate just the was I do. But I also felt alien and awkward about so many other elements –fantastic weapon shop, high-speed internet gaming center, humongous Star Wars set replica… the gum sword fights and cosplay contest at the end made the prospect of stepping outside again just a little more appealing to us.

After 4-5 hours we left the convention full of bizarre, funny and confusing memories. We were greeted by the perfect afternoon to take a stroll through beautiful Basel and watch the sunset by the Rhine River. I think I've had enough for a looooong time but I know how these things actually go in my head. Next year I'll probably be back.

Ios

I just finished a refreshing, recharging session of star gazing at Milopotas Beach, on the west coast of Ios island. After everyone else had left for the bars in town, I grabbed a hoodie and my airpods and headed to the beach. I laid down on the now completely deserted sand and listened to Craig David’s full “The Story Goes...” album, singing out loud while processing, reminiscing and daydreaming (does that term apply when done at midnight?). 

Millions of flickering stars filled a whole spectrum of intensity —Not one single cloud in the sky, which has been a consistent norm for the past weeks. 

I remember how my mom used to say you shouldn’t start counting the stars, otherwise you’d get an ugly wart on your face unless you finished, which was impossible. 

I thought about our unbeatable night sky back home on mount Teide, with zero light pollution, and how I’ve always wanted to share that one star-gazing experience with the one person that settles in my heart and earns it for good.

I also took delight in my ignorance regarding astronomy and constellations, when even I could tell it was extremely possible that I was facing some pretty obvious ones at that very moment. 

That led me to reflect on how thousands of years ago people relied on the night sky for orientation at sea, at the very Aegean Sea whose crashing waves where playing in the background enhancing Craig David’s already beautifully enthralling vocals. 

I was filled with a sense of gratitude and wonder regarding life, which is easy to appreciate under a clear, warm starry night on a heavenly Greek island, but not so much during an often stressful and demanding daily routine. 

Life is what you make it —What you choose to see, to feel and to own. And I think some of the people I’ve met, the things I’ve seen and learned and the things I’ve felt are in a way God’s way of reminding me of that and keeping my mind and my heart joyful, hopeful, transparent and alive. 

PS.: I caught TWO shooting stars.